Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Hey Mario, hold this.

I hate going to the mall with my wife.

Okay, I don't hate it--after all, the company's good and she's great at helping me dress like a fancy boy--but I always, always  get stuck holding her purse.

I suppose I should be flattered that she trusts me with all of her worldly possessions, but I never know what to do with the damn thing. Do I hold it way out in front of me like some sort of dead animal? Should I tuck it under my arm and strike the Heisman pose? Hell if I know.

But you know who never has an issue holding my shit? Mario.

A little while back I was given this most excellent DS holder, shaped like everyone's favorite mushroom-popping plumber. Mario stands about 12" tall, is made of sturdy plastic, and--I can't stress this enough--is expertly painted. But as nice as he looks on his own, his primary purpose is to hold your DS, DS lite, DSi, or 3DS. Sorry DSi XL--you're just too big. 

Here's Mario holding a DS lite:

Sadly, Mario doesn't have any working joints, so the scope of his usefulness is somewhat limited. Without something in his hands, he's just standing around with his arms outstretched and his palms up, like he's weighing options or waiting to be handcuffed. However, just because this figure is a single-tasker doesn't mean he's a one trick Yoshi.

For example, here's Mario holding a DSi:

And Mario doesn't care if it's tiny. Here he is making a Gameboy Micro look huge:

Past your prime? Mario don't care. Here he is rocking a Gameboy color:

Have stock in Energizer? Mario will gladly pimp a Game Gear:

Connoisseur? Mario's got you covered:

Mario palms Link:

K.C. Munchkin under control:

24-bits of holding power:

Oh Jesus. Now Mario's just holding himself like a gangster:

Mario! Where the hell did you get that?


  1. When he's not holding anything, Mario is either making the ASL sign for "question mark" or "boobies".

  2. Replies
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